“Heartache”

“Heartache”

Pairing: Aomine X Kise

Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke

                “He’s an upperclassman from my school. He’s pretty famous. He’s cool and handsome. His sun-kissed skin and dark blue hair burns an image into my eyes. I would clamp my arms around him and touch his broad back as he makes love to me. Kissing, sleeping, and having sex every time he feels like it. I love it all. Yes, I love him to the point where it’s difficult to breathe. But I always wonder… does he feel the same?”

Author’s note: guys this is my first time making a fanfic so sorry if it’s not that good. Please enjoy!

                “Aominecchi? Aomicche? Are you here? I just got back from the club practice. I—“

                “Tskk.. Shut up! I’m sleeping.” Aomine grumbled as he pulled the blanket over his body but for some reason, it felt heavy. He then realized that there was a naked body of a woman silently sleeping beside him. He looked up to Kise and saw his hurt face. But as usual, Kise didn’t say a word.

                Kise felt a stab on his chest. That wasn’t an unusual scene ever since they started dating. Aomine would still play around with women despite having him as a lover. He averted his gaze and spoke in a low voice. “I—I’ll just go to my apartment then. I brought you food, I’ll leave it in the refrigerator.” He bit his lips. Aomine only stared at him as if he didn’t care.

                “Do whatever you want.” He replied and then got back to sleep. Kise suppressed his emotions. He didn’t want to cry or say a word of protest. It’s fine. It’s not like this is the first time he has done this. He thought to himself as he went to the kitchen and then, wordlessly left Aomine’s place. Yet despite how much he bit his lips to control his tears from falling, it voluntarily left Kise’s beautiful eyes as pain crept up all over him.

                “Aominecchi—Aominecchi—“ Under the cold snow falling, he drowned his sorrow. His heart ached so much yet he didn’t have the courage to break it off with Aomine. “I don’t want—I don’t want to.” He muttered hopelessly to the chilly wind.

               

                It was love at first sight. Funny others might say, but for Kise, he believed that they were fated for each other. When he transferred to his current school, he immediately became popular to the girls. He got along with them pretty well and since he was attractively handsome and easy-going, people would gather around him. Just like in his previous school, nothing changed. But then he saw the most popular guy in school. He was a tall guy with a vibrant tan. At that moment, Kise didn’t know why but he felt something that he had never felt before. His heart pounded like crazy and his mind went chaotic. He couldn’t think straight. The only thing clear was that he wanted to get closer to that young man—Aomine Daiki.

                “Kise-kun..Hey, who are you looking at?” the girl asked with a seductive voice as she clung to Kise’s arm.

                “Ah sorry, I just thought that guy’s really attractive.” He replied referring to Aomine as he stare at him again talking with one of the school’s most popular girls.

                “oh! Aomeni-kun? Yeah..He’s really attractive and cool. It’s no wonder the popular girls here in school would aim for him. But for me, Kise-kun’s much better than him.”

                “Why would you say so?” Feeling curios, he asked.

                “Well, maybe you still haven’t heard this since you’re new here but you see, Aomine-kun is infamous for being a player. But even though he’s like that, girls would still swarm to him like ants.” The girl pouted, and then smiled at him enticingly. However, Kise’s attention was again back to the man himself. Aomine was happily talking to a sexy girl. It was obvious that they were flirting with each other. Then a moment later, the girl circled her arms around Aomine’s neck and they kissed shamelessly without even minding the people around. In jealousy, the girl with Kise started to talk bad about the scene but her voice was drowned over Kise’s thoughts.

                “I want to be the one kissing you like that.”Kise finally made a decision.

                Aomine languidly opened his locker and found a small paper in it.

                “Please see me after school. I’ll wait at the back of the gym.” It says. He became curious.

                “What is it Aomine? Another love confession?” his classmate jokingly asked. “Make sure not to make another woman cry!”

                “haha! Idiot, it’s their choice if they cry or not. After all, they wanted it.” He calmly replied with a playful smile. Aomine’s affairs were never a secret. If he’d get a new girl, the news about it would spread like a wild fire. . It was like everybody’s business whoever he goes out with.  And as if nothing matters to him, he’d left it as it was. Even the break ups and the girls who’ve cried over him.

                “Then I’ll be off and make another woman my own.” They both laughed.

                When he arrived at the said meeting place, Aomine was surprised to see a guy waiting for him instead of a girl. He got confused and with an angry tone he said. “What’s this? Are you making fun of me?”

                “I—I’m the one who wrote the note.” He was stammering.

                “So? Now you’re telling me you wanted to confess to me?” A glint of irritation appeared on his face.

                The guy’s face turned red. He was shorter than Aomine so he was looking down on him. Aomine could see the trembling of the body in front of him.

                “I—I really like you Aomine-san. Since the first time I saw you, I’ve been looking at you. I know you feel gross being confessed to by a guy like me but—but if you’re fine with it…Will you go out with me?”

                Silence.

                As Aomine weighed his thoughts, he couldn’t avoid his eyes from the person in front of him. He knew this guy. He remembered when the school started there was a transfer student who got the attention of the students. It was because of his handsome face and fun personality. It’s unexpected to be confessed by a guy but for this guy to be the one confessing is a bit more unexpected than that.

                “What’s your name?”

                “Kise—Kise Ryouta.”

                “Well then Kise, since I don’t currently have a girlfriend…I’ll go out with you. But of course, we’ll keep this relationship a secret. I’m not gay you know.”

                “Of—of course Aomine-san! Thank you! I’m so happy!” Kise happily said and smiled. It was a very sweet smile that Aomine blushed when he saw it.

                Tch—that was uncalled for. Well, it’s not bad to try a relationship with this guy I guess. I’ll just break it off when I don’t feel like it anymore.

                “Aomine-san..”

                “What?”

                “Can I call you Aominecchi?”

                “Tskk..Why’s that? Well whatever! Do what you want.”

                Their days of being lovers went on smoothly. Everybody was surprised to see Kise and Aomine together, but then later on they got used to it. It was like a feast for their eyes seeing two popular and handsome guys together. Nobody suspected that there was something more than friendship going on between them. Every day was a happy day for Kise.

                “Kise-kun, lately you’ve been hanging around Aomine-kun and it seems that the infamous player seems to be keeping lay low right now. I wonder why?” A classmate asked. Kise looked at her and wondered what she wanted to know.

                “Eh? Well, I wonder why as well.” Kise answered evasively. Ever since Kise started going out with Aomine, there were a lot of girls wanting to get near him. It was because they wanted to get Aomine’s attention. Kise knew that very well.

                “But you’re always together. You must know something right?” the girl came nearer to him. She was purposely making Kise see her cleavage. Kise felt his stomach churn.

                “Seriously, I don’t know. Ask him yourself.” Kise then started to walk away. Girls really are scary. They make me want to puke. Tsk—as if I’d let them near him. But then a realization hit him. Aomine wasn’t gay. And he himself wasn’t one as well in the first place. Falling for Aomine was Kise’s first time with a guy. There was always a possibility that Aomine would choose a girl over him. Even though they’ve already been dating for a month, they still haven’t done anything special. They hang together just like usual friends would do.

                “Come to think of it, we’ve never even kissed even though it’s already been a month.  We’ve only walked together to the bus stop and have lunch together and do normal stuffs.”

                “Hey kise!”

                Kise was absentmindedly talking to himself that he didn’t hear Aomine calling him.

                “Should I make the first move? But he might think I’m gross or something.”

                “Hey Kise! What are you muttering by yourself out here? And what’s with the worried face?” Aomine probed. He came to pick Kise so they could leave the school together.

                Ahh! I don’t care anymore!”Aominecchi, do you want to come over?” I mean, I feel like cooking so let’s eat together tonight.” Kise smiled.

                “Well, I’m free tonight so I guess its fine.”

                “Aominecchi” Kise crawled on top of him while he was seating on the sofa in Kise’s apartment.

                “Hey Kise! What are you doing?” Aomine reflexively pushed Kise.

                “I—I want to kiss you”

                “What? What are you saying all of a sudden??”

                “We’re lovers right? So it’s fine right?” Kise lowered his eyes. He seemed to be embarrassed of what he just said. But at that moment, he was afraid that Aomine might hate him for acting recklessly.

                “Come on Kise, won’t it gross you out? I mean, we’re both guys and—“he stopped what he was saying when he saw Kise’s upset face. He was almost about to cry. For a person like Kise who’d always smile, it was the very first time Aomine saw that expression. There was something seductive in that reaction. He grabbed his wrist and then pulled him towards his body. Circling his arms around Kise’s body, he kissed him hungrily. Kise was taken aback—it was an unexpected kiss from Aomine and now he found himself responding to it. The kiss became deeper, persistent and hot. Kise had no answer for these sensations. Aomine didn’t know why he was kissing Kise that way. But one thing was sure for the both of them. They wanted more.

                After the passionate kiss they’ve shared, both headed towards Kise’s room and stumbled naked on top of the king-sized bed. Their lips felt like it didn’t want to part from each other. It was strange for Aomine. Having sex with a woman was common for him but for some reason, even though the body he was holding at the moment felt hard against his palms, he couldn’t stop himself. His palm gently crawled from Kise’s chest down to his abdomen.

                “Aominecchi” he called out as his body shivered.

                “Shhh…”

                Aomine clasped his hand around Kise’s twitching member and started to pleasure him. He was erotically turned on just by watching Kise’s face contorted with pleasure. Their heated breathes blended together as one.

                “Ao—Aominecchi..Lube..” Embarrassed, Kise’s face went red. It’s good that I prepared it beforehand. He thought.

                “Where?”

                “There inside the drawer of the bed side table.”

                Aomine quickly took the lube and put it on his fingers. He slowly pushed one inside Kise and massaged it. “How’s this? Does it hurt? It should work out the same as with women right?”

                “uhnn—I don’t know. This is my first time. Hurts—hurts a little.” Kise’s brow glistened with sweat. He moaned as he grasped the bed sheets. He couldn’t believe that he was doing it with Aomine—making love with his beloved person. He was happy, so happy that he didn’t care how much it would hurt him.  

                “I think its fine now. I’m going in.”

                He braced himself for the coming pain he would feel yet despite how much he prepared his self, the pain was too much. “Uhggg—ahhh—uhnnn”. Eyes closed, his throat stifled a moan as Aomine’s member sank inside him like fangs. He was burning with pain and pleasure.

                Aomine’s hardness felt hot and tight inside him and then as he thrust against Kise’s vitals, his body shivered as unfamiliar feelings took hold of his body. It was so tight yet as Kise compressed on him, the pleasure enveloped his whole mind, and it felt like nothing he had experienced before.

                “Ahh—fuck—Kise, you’re so tight.”

                “Ahhnn—ahhh—aahh—hhnnnn..Aominecchi—I—I love you” droplets of tears fell from Kise’s eyes as his face reddened. Aomine continued to move on top of him. Much harder and faster. The bliss was too much to bear. He licked his lips. This is sex with a man. Sex with Kise. He hazily thought.

                “Ahhh—ahhh—ahhhnn—hah!! In truth, Kise was hurting really bad. It was his first time yet Aomine couldn’t control his desires and was moving like a wild beat inside him. But despite the raging pain he felt, the view of Aomine’s pleasured face was enough for him to endure everything.

                His body arched as unknown paroxysm of fervor escalated his body. Little by little, something was feeling different. His moans became more erotic and he couldn’t control the scorching heat creeping all over him. “Nnngghh!” Aomine bit his ear and in a hoarse voice, whispered. “You’re so good!”

                Nothing felt more blissful than hearing Aomine praised him for the first time. He had always longed for his affection and ever since they started dating, that was the first time they were lover-like. I’m so happy. Kise thought to himself. As their bodies continued to move with the rhythm of pleasure, intoxicating passion held them captive. The sensuality of their connected bodies was almost reaching its climax. “Ahhhh!” Aomine groaned. His body shivered and in the hitch of his euphoric state, white radiant liquid made its way out of his member. Soon after, Kise came as well, trickling it all over his white abdomen.

                Neither of them made a sound for a moment. Only ragged breathing echoed all over the whole room. And then, as if he had just woken up from a trance, Aomine quickly got up and headed towards the bathroom.

               

                After the first time came the second and then the third until Kise couldn’t count anymore how many times Aomine held him. It was always wild and rough. Aomine seemed to like it that way. Kise never complained. Was it because he liked it that way as well? No. if Kise could, he wanted Aomine to make love with him in a gentler way sometimes. But he never did. Though he never hated rough sex with Aomine, he occasionally would imagine what tender sex with Aomine would be like. The truth is that the only time when he could feel that Aomine’s completely his was during sex. He would even do it with him every day if Aomine just wished for it.

                There was a rumor circulating around the entire school. People talked about how Aomine had already gotten someone and was keeping it a secret from everybody. This started because he has been without women lately. Almost two months to be exact. Everybody, as usual was curious as to the reason why. For the infamous player to stop screwing with girls for that length of time, it felt like a lie to them. In Kise’s heart though, since most of the time they were together, it was happiness. However that happiness came crumbling down short after when the rumor broadened, Aomine was seen flirting with someone outside the school grounds.  

                “So maybe that’s the reason then? He got tired of school girls so now he’s into older women?”

                “waaah! That might be it! And maybe all this time he’s with different women outside the school!”

                “eh?! That’s so disappointing. And here I thought I could get him to sleep with me soon enough too.”

                “Idiot! That’s impossible! Did you see those girls he just threw away after having them? They’re so pretty that it’s a waste!”

                “Hey that’s mean! I know they’re all way above my level but I’m pretty too you know!”

                “hahaha! Yeah yeah—let’s go and display our beauties then!”

               

                The girls left giggling. After hearing their conversation, Kise felt cold chills.  He had heard the rumor and nonchalantly shrugged it off since he was with Aomine and during those times, he wasn’t with any girls. But then hearing about him with a woman outside their school was total news to him. He never considered it happening. He was confident enough that he has completely secured his place beside Aomine. Since he never heard of him chasing girls’ skirts at school, he thought that Aomine became all his alone, that Aomine would not betray him and that he loved him.

                “Love?” his hands formed into a fist. “He loves me?” his body shook. “hah!hahaha!” he gasped. “He—he never even said—even once—he never said that he loved me.” Tears trickled down his eyes as he tried to control his muffling sobs with his shivering hand. It was even hard to stand up straight. The pain in his heart as the realization hit him hard was unfathomable. Like being drowned into a dark body of water that he couldn’t breathe, the heartache was too much to bear.

                “hey—are you alright?” one of his concerned classmate asked.

                “Im—I’m alright.” He managed to answer. Then without a second thought, he ran as fast as he could as he went off to that place.

                “huff—huff—huff—“ Kise desperately rang the doorbell. He had a key but in the midst of confusion and anxiousness, he seemed to have forgotten about it completely. Aomine had given him a key to his apartment and for quite a while now, Kise could freely go in and out of that place as much as he liked. It was one of the reasons why his confidence was high.

                “What the fuck—“ Aomine’s irritated voice followed after the door opened with a bang. When he saw that it was Kise, he was a bit surprised. But then his face switched into an angry expression and with a harsh voice he chased him away.

                “What the fuck are you doing here? I thought you’re at school?!”

                Startled, he cowered. He seemed to have gotten his senses back a little.

                “Go home!” Aomine continued. “I don’t have time for you today. I want to sleep.”

                “Then I’ll just wait for you to wake up. I’ll cook you dinner and—and there’s something I want to talk with you—but I’ll wait so just let me stay here until you wake up.”

                “What? Didn’t you hear what I just said? I said go away.”

                “Why are you being like this today? You won’t even let me enter your—wait, are you hiding something from me?”

                “Huh?”

                “You do have someone in there, don’t you? That’s why you won’t even let me in!” Kise asked desperately. He got a bad feeling about the situation. For Aomine to be chasing him away there should be a deeper reason why. And he must know about it. As mixed emotions flooded him, he couldn’t tell anymore what was exactly governing his self at the moment.

                He tried to forcibly enter the apartment but Aomine wouldn’t even budge. His suspicions were like being answered with the way Aomine’s resisting him. Just by then he noticed a red mark on his neck that the collar barely hid. He grabbed Aomine’s collar and in his great horror, the newly made kiss marks confirmed his doubts.

                “What the hell is the meaning of this?!” Kise unthinkably exclaimed. He couldn’t believe what he just saw. It felt like everything went crushing down on him. His grip tightened on Aomine’s collar. But what he saw on his lover’s face was nothing but unconstrained coldness.

                Aomine slapped his hand away. “None of your business.” He heartlessly said. There wasn’t even a bit of concern on Aomine’s face. Like he didn’t care what Kise would feel.

                Kise was stunned. What happened to the two months they were together? He wondered. As Kise fell in love with Aomine more and more, did Aomine even feel love towards him? Arguing with him was pointless. Seeing Aomine’s indifferent face as he pushed him and closed the door on his face was enough for him to conclude that his feelings didn’t reach him. He felt so pitiful. When was it? When did he fell so much in love that he couldn’t even dare to hate him? That despite of what happened; there was only pain and no hatred? When did he become so weak? Nothing could be done anymore. His heart had hopelessly and tenaciously gave in to his love for that man.

                Was it because I’m a man? I couldn’t satisfy him? He couldn’t come to love me because I don’t look sexy and fragile like a woman? Was it because I’m not good enough? What should I do? I don’t want to lose him. I love him too much—too much.”

                Dejectedly, he slowly walked away from that place. Every step felt so heavy. He knew that if he wouldn’t leave there, his suffering would just worsen and so, with his aching heart, Kise walked without minding the starting heavy rain.

                Nobody would think that behind Kise’s cheerful smiles hid a broken soul. As per his usual face, nothing changed. But deep inside him, he was suffering. Loneliness embraced him and his mind felt numb. Maintaining his happy façade had never been so hard. However, despite of what happened, he didn’t break it off with Aomine. And Aomine didn’t raise the idea as well. For the reason why, Kise didn’t know.

                They maintained their relationship the same as before. After the first incident, no complaint came from Kise. And Aomine continued to play around with women. Nevertheless, he still did it with Kise.  Soon after, the news of the great players’ comeback started spreading around the campus. Girls again started to flock around him and Kise could only watch in misery.

                But time would come for patience to finally run out. Limit existed on everything.

                “Stop it!” Kise pushed Aomine away. He was trying to pin Kise down on the bed. For the first time, Kise rejected his advances.

                “What?”

                “I don’t want it.” He calmly refused, turning his eyes away from him.

                “Now now…quit being sissy. I want it now.” He hotly kissed Kise’s neck and made his way under Kise’s clothes. But before he could completely open Kise’s pants, his hand was slapped away. Startled, Aomine stopped and angrily pulled back.

                “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Aomine irritatingly exclaimed. Kise didn’t respond. Again, Aomine tried to kiss his lips but much to his irritation, Kise covered his mouth. In Aomine’s annoyance, he unthinkably tore Kise’s shirt and grabbed his arms. He tied them on the bed’s headboard. Kise couldn’t move. With his wrist bonded together, resistance was futile.

                “What are you doing?! Untie me!”

                “Just shut up and let me do the work!”

                “I said I don’t want it! Get off me!” The grip of the cloth on his wrists felt hot on his skin. But he didn’t stop struggling.

                “Stop it! You’re hurting yourself!”

                “You’re the one hurting me!” Kise’s voice trembled. Head hung, he stopped moving. Then tears started to flow from his eyes. When Aomine saw this, he stiffened. He had never seen Kise cry before despite all the things he did. Even though he had already betrayed Kise countless of times, he would only show a pained expression. Never did Kise show such a fragile state. Not until now. The beautiful Kise, who would still smile for him, who would still love him and care for him after all the heartaches he caused, the one who never left him despite all the betrayals he did, was now in front of him crying like a pitiful baby. Glistening tears poured like waterfall. Soft whimpers escaped from his lips. Aomine froze for a moment. He couldn’t say anything. Then, Kise spoke.

                “Don’t kiss me with your lips that just kissed someone else’. Don’t hold me with your arms that just held a woman. Don’t touch me—don’t touch me anymore. I‘ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore Aominecchi. I’m so sorry. I can’t anymore—“

                Kise’s words felt heavy on Aomine’s ears. The words he just uttered echoed all over his mind. Shocked, he could only stare at the person who was helplessly crying in front of him. They had been together for almost a year. Kise had always been beside him, smiling. But now, Kise wished to break up with him.

                “All this time—“ Kise continued. “I loved you all this time. I thought I could endure anything as long as you don’t leave me. I thought we could always be happy together. I always forgave you even though you were playing around with different women because I know, in the end of the day, you would come back to me.” His words were drowning in his sobs. But Aomine could hear them completely.  “When you agreed to go out with me, I was so happy. In fact, I felt like the happiest person in the world. Every day with you was happiness. However, together with that feeling was heartache as well.”

                “hic—hic—hic” Kise’s cries felt like it would never end. He was trembling in despair. “Aominecchi, I’m in so much pain. That’s why, even though I love you so much—I have to leave you. If I don’t, it’ll be too late.” No, it’s already too late. “My heart can’t take it anymore.” I feel like a fool. “This relationship is over.” I can’t hold this love anymore. I’m totally broken.

                Aomine was speechless. He understood the seriousness in Kise’s words. Without second thought, he released Kise’s hands and then moved his body away from him. When Kise finally faced him, he couldn’t comprehend Aomine’s facial expression. What was I hoping for? He silently laughed at his self. There’s no way Aomine would stop me. The game is finally over and I lost. I’m the fool in this love game.

                Their heart never met. Their feelings were different. That was why the relationship never survived. It was hard to accept yet Kise realized that halfway. Trapped by the delusion called love, Kise was bound by the feelings he felt towards Aomine. Blinded by the hope for happiness, he endured everything. But never once did Aomine say the words he wanted to hear. The only confirmation that, within those months they were together, he existed in his beloved’s heart.

                But now, after all that was said and done, there was nothing to regret anymore. The fact that Aomine didn’t even say a word only proved the end of everything. As Kise straightened his disheveled clothes and lifelessly walked away, Aomine only stared blankly at his back until it disappeared from his sight.

                Kise had already left his place for quite some time. But Aomine remained standing and vacantly staring at nothingness. His mind refused to think of what just happened. For he knew, he was fully aware of the pain Kise felt. Nothing could be denied. It was entirely his fault.

                They reached that far because of Kise’s patience and love. Without it, they wouldn’t even have that kind of relationship from the start. Because of Kise’s feelings for him, he had the courage to confess and build such connection with Aomine. But he took him for granted. Made him suffer and pushed him to break off the relationship. Aomine, who had never felt such strong emotions, would never understand. Or so he thought. Because he had never considered falling in love with a person, he didn’t know what it really felt like. And he wouldn’t know what to do about it.

                As time passed by, sensations started creeping up Aomine’s insides.  He felt his body losing its life and he staggered. Feeling the shivering of his hands, he took it in front of him. Then he noticed the droplets of liquid falling from his eyes. It surprised him. Not long after, he finally understood everything. In resignation, he muttered.

                “I’m sorry Kise, for not loving you properly.”