SOLIFORM

This is an original short boy's love story I made. Enjoy reading! :>

The room was already filled with my noisy classmates chattering about their long vacation when I arrived. Semester break has just ended and here we are again preparing for the second semester of our 2^nd year life in college. Nothing changed; the ambience with us gathered around was still as lively as I could remember. Compared to some of my friends, I’m a little timid and sensitive but though we had different personalities, being with them gave me self-confidence. I’m happy though there’s something deep inside me, a hole that has been there for I don’t know how long already. What would it be that could fill up this hole and make me complete?

As I sat in my seat, I noticed some of my classmates were surrounding someone and happily giggling.

“It’s a transfer student. He already attracted the class’ attention since he arrived this morning. On top of that, he’s cute. Hmmm. No. Drop-dead gorgeous was the right word. ” My friend Jae said chuckling.

Out of curiosity, I unconsciously turned towards the direction of the newcomer, and then suddenly in an instant, our eyes met. In a split of seconds, it felt like the world around us went black and there were only two of us. I couldn’t understand the feelings that rushed through my whole entity. The mysterious dark eyes of the stranger captivated me. Am I the only one who felt the mystique within that person? Then unexpectedly, he smiled enchanting every nerves of my body making my blood rushed to my cheeks. My heart pounded crazily it could have wrecked my chest. That was very insane. How could my system react that way towards a stranger and on top of that, a descendant of Adam?

I didn’t know that that was just the start of the cartwheel turn of events of my somewhat plain life.

“So, we should first consider the basics. Let’s start gathering ideas and then we’ll wrap it up for the concept paper. This isn’t going to be easy since I think that obviously we have different themes in mind. What do you think? Should we follow yours?” Nick asked. He was standing behind me leaning forward; his face was so near mine that I could hear the rhythm of his breathing.

“N—no, I— I think it’s more creative if we merge our ideas. That might be a little difficult but I believe we—we could do it.” I stammered as I tried to calm myself. Being near him overwhelmed me. I still could not believe that this person talked to me in an unconstrained manner and on top of that, he’s my partner.

“Haha! That’s a good idea! I should do my research now, see yah later!” he conceded as he smiled charmingly that could melt anyone just by a glimpse of it. The undeniable exquisiteness and charisma he possessed couldn’t be compared to anyone I knew. Before he left, he nuzzled my hair giving me shivers. My cheeks burned in embarrassment, he has been like that since the moment we exchanged names and I couldn’t bring myself to act normally around him.

I could still remember clearly, how that gentle hands first touched a part of me that same day of his being a transfer student.

“Hey, I’m Nick the new student. What’s your name?” he asked. I didn’t noticed him approaching for I was so occupied solving a sample problem from the book. I was surprised for the unexpected notice he’d given me. I froze for a moment and timidly replied.

“Sean—I’m Sean.”

“Nice name. hmm. Your hair— I wanna touch it.” Without waiting for my consent, he touched my hair admiringly, tracing it up to the tip. The moment I felt the warmth of his hands against my hair, an unknown emotion crept up to me.

“I like your hair, it’s a little long but it suits you.” again, he smiled with his dark mysterious eyes gleaming. I couldn’t read what his expressions wanted to convey. The vagueness he had been emitting prevented me to understand what those enticing smile meant that it left me flabbergasted.  

Starting that day, he kept on shortening the distance we had each day. He didn’t seem to be a transfer student at all, the way he talked and seek out for my attention, everytime he nuzzled my hair, his body language and all. It seems like he was acting that way only towards me, or am I misunderstanding things?

I just couldn’t abate my gaze everytime those thin lips of him curl to an intoxicating smile. It gave me little shivers when those eyes of him met mine, the electricity he transmits as he gently nuzzle my hair swirling it to his soft fingertips and the heart racing voice he have while he talked, all of him confuses and at the same time enthralls  my whole being.

God, please help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m going to melt as these unknown emotions keep devouring my consciousness.  

One month passed by quickly and at the same time, a friendship swiftly developed between the two of us. What brought this relationship to its state were because of the time we spent together during school days. Our project collaboration that we’d done successfully, his continuous pestering for me to keep his company which I found rather amusing, those times he enjoyably nuzzled my hair that always sent cascading happiness to me secretly, and a lot of things that even I couldn’t believe it had been happening. 

“Hey, Sean, I really envy you for being able to freely hang around Nick. My, he’s so obsessed with you. We can’t even get half of the attention he gives to you.”  Jae pouted.

“Idiot—what do you mean? It’s not like I’m asking him to do so.”

“Yeah, yeah. You changed too, but in a better perspective though. You smile a lot now and enjoy the things around you especially when you’re with him. Both of you stands out a lot, and looks good together.”

“Really?” Her words made me smile.

“Hmmm. If you’re not a guy I might think both of you were an item.” She joked while eliciting a teasing smile.

“Dummy! That’s so impossible. Quit it already!” we both laughed. But the thought of us being an item gave me a warm feeling though it was abruptly changed to coldness. It’s impossible. I thought.

The benches situated at the rear of our school building became our hang out place. We spend our free times together at one of those benches but unlike how others spent it, we didn’t drink alcohol or use cigarettes. He would play PSP while I read books. Sometimes, he would sleep with my lap as his pillow. These were the times I treasured most for I could watch him unreservedly while his in deep slumber.

“Hey, I told you not to use my lap as your pillow. It might be fine for you but it looks weird for others. They might get the wrong idea.” I scolded but deep inside, I was pleasurably feeling the moment.

“Nah! I don’t really care. Just let them think what they want.” He paused and suddenly sulked. “Does it bother you when I sleep in your lap? Or are you more bothered of what people might think?”He sulked like a baby while snuggling at my lap giving me a tingling sensation. I tried to hide the joy inside me and calmly abated my eyes.

“It’s not like that. Any of it doesn’t bother me at all.” The sense of relief came to his face after hearing my assurance. He gently smiled and a moment later, he drifted to sleep.

How I wish for time to stop so we could always be like this. My chest feels like burning with the flames of happiness. Is this feeling what I’ve been looking for? The one that could fill the hole inside of me?

The next month of our growing friendship was crazier that the previous one. Our bond reaches to the point were seeing each other became our daily routine. I never thought I could be so attached to a person like this. During weekdays at school and weekends at either of our apartment, we were inseparable. We usually watched movies during weekends and make our assignments and projects together. Even though he’s a kind of a loud person, I surprisingly found studying with him more comfortable. With my world turning rosy and dreamy, my heart just kept on asking for more. Something even I myself couldn’t identify.

If all of this were nothing but a dream, I wouldn’t let myself wake up for this was something I just couldn’t give up.

“Hey Sean! Wake up! Psssst!”

“Uhmmm… “

“If you’re not gonna wake up now, we’re going to be late!”

“What the?—did I fell asleep?” I mumbled as I rub my eyes with my fingers.

“Uh. Yeah. It’s morning already. You didn’t even finish the movie last night. I’m going to shower first, good thing I brought my uniform with me yesterday.” Nick quickly strode towards the bathroom half-naked. It’s crazy but my eyes were locked staring at his beautifully sculpted back. Then abruptly, he looked my way and smirked.

“What? You found me sexy?”

“I—idiot!” My cheeks burned in embarrassment and I threw a pillow towards him to hide my reddening face. With a loud laugh, he ducked and entered the bathroom instantly. I could feel the flush in my whole face while still hearing his melodious laughter.

“Shit! My heart almost jumped out my chest! This is bad, so fucking bad.” I mumbled as I rose up to fix our breakfast. As usual, I prepared his favorite food, sunny side up with pork tocino and dried fish again while still in deep thoughts. The foods were all set in the table when I heard him calling my name. I hurried upstairs as I answered his call.

“Yes? What is it?

“I forgot to bring the towel, could you please get it for me?”

“Okay. And oh, breakfast’s ready.” I looked for his towel in his bag and took it to him in the bathroom, and then suddenly his cellphone rang. Without thinking, he rapidly opened the door and in front of me was his shiny wet body all naked and dazzling. It was an intense scene that the shock made my hand move swiftly giving him a hard shove and losing his balance but before he could fall in the white tiled floor, he unthinkingly grabbed my hand ending us both stumbled with each other.

“Waa—waaaaah! What are you doing! Get off me! Get off me!" I screamed on top of my lungs panicking. Our position was so uncomfortable that my mind was in chaos and I could feel my body reacting at the same time.

“Ow—ouch! I bumped my head! Hey, quit it. You’re tearing my ears. And you should be the one to get off me. You’re the one on top.” He grinned in a teasing manner.

Realizing our indecent position, I quickly moved my body away from him. “Oppps! Sorry.”

The cellphone rang again and he quickly got up. He took the towel from me then left the bathroom massaging his head and with a sorry in a middle of a huge smile.

Still in a stunned state, I sat in the wet floor in the midst of shaking as the image of his naked body kept replaying in my head. Then suddenly I felt my blood rushed to my groin and in awe, I looked down.

“What? . . .I’m up?”

That day, I was in total despair that I ended up being scolded by the teacher repeatedly for not paying attention to the class. 

A few days had pass since that incident and Nick seemed troubled. I doubted that it was because of the bathroom incident that he’s acting that way. A rationale came up to me that the cause of it might be that phone call since I noticed his change of mood after answering the call. Asking him appeared to be as a bad idea so I kept my questions to myself. However, fear was in my heart for an unknown reason. Then one ordinary day while we were in our hang out place, he gave me a book.

“What’s this?” I asked in a puzzled tone and stare at his face then once again, I saw his dark mysterious eyes that in a split second I thought were conveying something to me.

“Hahaha! A book of course!” He replied lightheartedly.

“Dummy! I’m asking why you’re giving this to me. I can see that it’s a book of course. I’m surprised that you even own one.”

“Well, I just thought that the title’s interesting so I bought it. It’s been with me for some time now.”

“Eh? The title?” Confused, I read the book’s title. “SOLIFORM—eh? Soliform means resembling the sun or sunlike right?”

He charmingly smiled and said. “Yeah, for me you’re just like the title of that book, a sun that lights up my everyday shining and giving me energy with my day to day life.”

“Hahaha! You’re corny you know!” However, it honestly made me so happy hearing those words from him. I didn’t voice that out. For what reason, I didn’t know.

He chuckled. “I wanna sleep.” My lap became his pillow just like the usual but before he totally closes his eyes, I noticed something. “For a moment I thought I saw a deep sadness in his eyes.” I spoke silently. 

“Sean!—Hey Sean! Let’s go. You’re sleeping again! Hmmmp! Being a smart ass seems so easy to you that you even just sleeps in classes. Hurry up! We need to catch up with the library; it’s going to close in a few minutes.”

I opened my eyes languidly as I straighten myself in my seat.  A few seconds and reality became evident as Jae’s banters kept hurting my ears. A deep sigh escaped my system as I mumbled.

“That dream again. I keep having the same dream for some time now.”

“What did you just say?” Jae demanded.

“Nothing. Let’s go. I’m hungry; I wanna eat sunny side up with tocino and dried fish after we finished borrowing books in the Library.”

“Hahahaha! It’s gonna be dinner soon and you wanna eat breakfast foods?”

“I just missed eating those. I’ve been eating noodles every breakfast for a while now.”

“Man—that sucks!” She laughed as my thoughts wander deep within me. My dream made me remember about the past again. The bittersweet feeling of the past seemed to be still lingering.

It’s been two years since the day that I felt like my world crumbled to my feet. A weekend after the day he gave me the book, I waited for him to happily call and say that he’ll gonna crash in my place again. I waited and waited but no call from him came. At first it didn’t bothered me. But then Monday came, I was ready to banter him for not coming or even calling me the day before but he didn’t appear. I tried calling him but the phone line had been cut. Not knowing what to do, I waited until the end of the day with the thought of him just scheming something to make fun of me. Sunset came and there were no signs of Nick. The next day I inquired at the registrar’s office only to find out that he had already dropped out from the school the week before. Devastation along with the pain of treachery succumbed my entire self as I mourn the loss of him. I lost my will and energy to go to school and I stayed in my apartment for almost a week still waiting for the impossible to come, for Nick to come back to me. I wept, spaced out and even tried calling him repeatedly. The helpless me then realized what Nick was to me. He was my beloved. The one I had been searching for to fill the hole inside of me, and with the relationship we had, perhaps Nick felt the same way as well. Why did he have to disappear? Why did he leave me behind? Those were the questions left unanswered as the empty days pass and the pain of unrealized love burdened my heart. After sometime, I finally decided to clear my mind and go to school. As I tidied my things, a book slipped in my bag and fell on the floor with a bang. I almost forgot about the book he gave me, I slowly sat on the floor and reached for the book, flipped it and read it. Immersed in the story and the nostalgic feelings it brought, I decided to skip school again and continue reading the only solid remembrance Nick left behind.  

Soliform, it was a story of two lovers who were so in love with each other. It was a forbidden love and both families were against the relationship. The couple fought for their love for each other and just like the living things in the world that couldn’t exist without the sun, they couldn’t exist without each other. One was the sun of the other, the source of life and warmth, the center of their life just like the sun as the center of the universe. They portrayed each other as the sun of their life.

I cried like a baby when I had read a phrase from the book so similar to what Nick said.

 “Just like the sun in the wide vast sky, you shine so beautifully and enchantingly. You gave me life in my everyday and energy as I live my way. Without you, I’ll be in dark misery together with my heart as it breaks away.  So my love, please don’t part from me, be the Soliform and light me as I walk the blackness of life with thee.”

After reading that phrase, the face of Nick appeared in my eyes with his alluring smile as the sweet words of that day rang in my ears. Tears begun to flow as pain pierced my heart like a sharp knife. I continued to read the book with trembling hands and as I reached the end, Nick’s handwriting appeared before my very eyes. In a short phrase, he conveyed to me his true feelings.

“The Soliform of my life—Sean. The moment you read this, I won’t be around anymore but I want to tell you my true feelings. I love you with all my heart just like how Sean feels too. J”

With those words, I wept filling my empty room with my loud cries. For those times with my unrealized passion towards him, he had already discovered my true feelings for him. Yes, I loved him with all my heart and maybe even now I still do. It’s been two years without any signs of him coming back. What might be the reason of his sudden disappearance, I still didn’t know. He never once said anything about his past nor his family. Perhaps it was because he had an ugly past or maybe he just didn’t want me to know anything at all. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter now.

“Sean!—Sean! You’re spacing out again!” Jae’s voice woke me in my deep thoughts.

“And you’re too loud Jae.”

“Hmmmp! It’s because your mind kept on wandering somewhere. Let me see the books you borrowed.”

“Here, just don’t take it with you.”

“Okay, I won’t.—Sean, let me look at that one too!” She pointed at the inside of my bag as I took the books out.

“I always see that in your bag. Don’t tell me you still haven’t finished reading it?” Jae asked. I took the book out and held it to her.

“Soliform? Weird title.”

“It means resembling the sun or sunlike.” I answered.

“Oh~ it looks old but interesting.”

“Yeah. . You should look for your Soliform person soon Jae.” With a smile, I whispered.

“What?” She perplexedly asked.

“Hmmm? Nothing.”

For that short time, Nick became the sun of my life. With his presence and warmth, everything around me became bright and lively. The sunlike Nick became the center of my life and his disappearance made my life dark and empty. However, the memories we shared served as my guide to pass through that dark path enabling the broken me to gather my pieces and start again.

In my thoughts, the hope of him coming back or me finding another to love in the future still lingered. However, what I’m so sure was that deep in my heart, there’s only one brightest Soliform in my life, Nick.

How about you, have you found that someone who resembled the sun in your life? Have you found your Soliform?