Where Riki is Reduced to Just Some Annoying Little Shit

So, I've discovered this for some time now but just thought of posting about it today. This might be  something or just nothing specially to Ai No Kusabi fans, but, I have high respect for Rieko Yoshihara-sensei so I'm still kind of dismayed over this.

This book, for the lack of better word, 'borrowed' not just the idea but also almost the whole of Ai No Kusabi and didn't even credit sensei for providing such beautiful concept for the author to put into another book and sell to the oblivious readers. But of course, not all were oblivious. The similarities were picked up and these reviews [1,2,3] showed the uncanny resemblance of this book, Breaking Jade, to the series, Ai No Kusabi. 

Someone on the Ai No Kusabi LJ group even confronted the author via twitter and got blocked without even a single explanation. Guilty much? Guess, admitting it would be a hard blow to the author's pride.

If the author's a fan of sensei, it's just sad that this is the way a fan would give appreciation towards a highly regarded writer. And Ai No Kusabi is considered a classic in the yaoi world. Despite the growing number of yaoi manga and mangaka, it couldn't be denied that ANK is one of the foundation of the genre. 

To whom it may concern

I haven't been posting any stuff here lately, well, not just lately but for more than a year already. And it's not like I have fans here or whatever that would miss me. I made this blog when I started reading yaoi manga and watching yaoi anime for the main reason of posting reviews about them. Despite not having a number of followers though, I have a good number of views. Also, some people commented on some of the reviews I posted.

So why am I writing a post like this you ask? Well, I haven't had any 2015 post so..lol no, really. It's just that I've been wondering what to do with this blog for months now. I haven't been reading yaoi manga and watching any anime lately. Not that there's a lot of yaoi anime out there to watch. These past months, I've been so into reading novel. And no, not  the mainstreams ones or the hetero books. I've been reading MM romance book. And I've read a lot already. I have some I really love and some I really didn't like. I also have another blog for it, for my reviews that is. Also I'm a permanent fixture on Goodreads now.

What I'm trying to say is, should I delete this blog? Because just thinking it exist somewhere in the internet world without updates just makes me sad. I don't think I'm getting back into reading yaoi manga soon or later. I have tons of MM romance novels to read on GR. It's not that there's a huge difference between the two. Both is all about men loving men. The other is just an illustrative story telling done by mangakas while the other is a written novel.

I guess, my interest just lay elsewhere.
On the other hand, I actually just bought In These Words vol. 2 because I'm still a fan of it and at last, a paperback volume is released. Well, now that I think about it, I guess it would be another entry for this blog. Not that I'm so sure of that since I have another blog but we'll see.

So yeah, that's all I guess. I haven't decided yet if I want to delete this blog or not.. Probably unlikely though but still it depends.

Ai No Kusabi Volume 8

“Now it was all clear.

The truth of it all.”

This is my first post for 2014!!! YAY! *contains some spoiler*

I’ve just finished reading the last book of the legendary series “Ai No Kusabi” and it took me quite a while to write this review. I’ve been waiting for the book to arrive for more than a month and at last, I got it today! I quickly started reading it despite the fact that I was supposed to be working on something related to school stuffs but I couldn’t stop myself from opening the book and start reading it.

As you may know, volume 7 was released last 2012 and it took me more time than it should to be able to acquire a copy of volume 8. I wouldn’t go through the details of it but it took time to be able to buy this book outside akadot.com. The shipping fee was too much for me so I waited and waited for them to release it officially and quickly bought a copy from an online shop which offered a cheaper price than akadot. 

Anyway…

Horayyy! My Ai No Kusabi collection is now complete! These are my priced and treasured possession and I love it more than any other. Ai No Kusabi will always have its own place in my heart that no other BL novel or manga can take away. It’s a masterpiece, a classic and a very beautiful yet tragic tale of love and submission. And I think Ai No Kusabi is one of those early piece of art that strengthened the foundation of the yaoi genre.

Let’s go to the book…

I have the same opinion in regards with the translation quality and art of the new edition of the series as I have in volume 7. My greatest disappointment is once again, Aisha being a female in this volume. I won’t go in that topic again; please read my post about Ai No Kusabi volume 07 if you’d like to know. When I received this book and opened it, I was feeling somewhat sad but at the same time excited. Excited to be able to at last read the ending of the series for the first time. I felt sad because I knew that this only means one thing; Ai No Kusabi is done and after this book, no more follows of the story of Iason Mink and Riki. For me who loves these two to no ends, I feel like I’ve completely surrendered to the tragic end of Riki and Iason’s life. Maybe I’m just being too sentimental but I just can’t help but be affected with these series. As I have always claimed, Ai No Kusabi is one of the main reasons why I love yaoi.

There were a lot of details that were different from the 2-episode OVA and it would be a waste to miss those events in the book. In this volume, I was able to discover the “faces” of the gang member of the Bison not as an underling but as Riki’s friends. The things they would do in order to find truth and how they’d deal when reality slaps them in the face. As always, Iason’s Blondy persona was as inscrutable and dangerous as ever in this book but the hints of his “human” self would slip into the surface every now and then. Writing this review is different as when I was writing my review about volume 7. In that one, I was very enthusiastic and jolly because of all the feels that volume gave me. But now, I just can’t explain myself clearly even though I’m trying hard and writing this later wouldn’t be any better. Volume 8 is just very heart-breaking, tragic, and sorrowful yet Iason’s raw emotions and his undeniably genuine love and care for Riki was something unforgettable. In this volume, I saw how “Human” Iason can be despite the fact that the only organic part of him was his brain. Just imagining Iason’s beautiful face contorted with worry and rage over the things that happened to Riki, who would have thought you were being shown a humanoid machine built to serve a computer named Jupiter?

One thing in this book was also how ignorant Riki is of his own effect to Iason and how he has not thought that there must be something else, some reason why Iason was so eager to bind themselves with each other. Maybe his experiences with Iason clouded his thought but I am happy that things are somehow clearer to Riki now.

In the scene where he was abducted by Guy and were confronting each other, Riki was trying to push Guy using words Guy wouldn’t want to hear and wouldn’t be able to accept. Yet more than anything, he couldn’t identify anymore if he was saying it because he had to cut his ties with Guy or because it was the truth.

From there on, the pattern of the events went on like of that in the 2-episode OVA where Guy tried to kill Iason and himself and I was reading it with drumming chest and I was gripping the book hard because I knew where it was going. I knew what would happen next and then there were tears in my eyes as I read at the same time relived Iason and Riki’s final moments. I imagine the look of astonishment in Iason’s face as he saw Riki coming back to him, choosing him and being with him until their last breath. It was really painful for me and I was so sad but knowing that in the end, Iason at last have Riki all for himself and that even without the pet ring that bind them, they were bound by something more than a master and his pet, I had the courage to smile and be happy for the both of them.

Just look at how Iason was so relieved to see Riki okay! 

I am so happy for Iason despite how everything ended. At the very end, Riki came back to him in his own free will.

I would have loved to know how the Blondies would deal with what happened, especially Jupiter but the short parts of Raoul, Katze and Guy, living the reality of losing Iason and Riki seemed more than enough. What would happen to that world, one can only wonder. Perhaps, life would go on without any big difference or maybe it would somehow change their system a little, it is left for us to imagine. Or maybe not. As for me, let just say I imagine that somewhere out there are Riki and Iason with genuine smiles on their lips.

Compared to my post about volume 7, this one came really gloomy and I wanna say sorry for that. I’m just having a hard time expressing my feels but I know if I did better it would be much worse than the gloominess and sentimental of this post.

Another thing…I was literally screaming “where the fuck is my lemon?!”; “what the fuck guy no! not yet! Give me my lemon first!!”; “where the fuck are you iason?! I need my lemon!!.” “LEMONNNN!!!” because yes as you’ve guessed, no lemon for us. Though Riki explained to guy how he and Iason were like in bed in details so I kinda forgave sensei! J Yoshihara-sensei, again thank you so much for this amazing novel! You are awesome and I hope to read more of your works in the near future! DMP please publish sensei’s other works! please!

“Do you know what Ai No Kusabi means? It’s an ancient term, it means something that binds two things together.”

“It might be that they could only live by pitting their pride against each other. Maybe it was predestined that way.

It might break your heart, but there’s love that can only be expressed the way they lived it.
Between those of us left, there is nothing to share. The only certainty is that we are the only ones who can speak of not just how they died, but how they lived.”

–Katze to Guy

P.S: posted this later than I intended because I fell asleep after typing this review.lol

Shiiku Gakari Rika

So I just finished reading “Shiiku Gakari Rika” which is the main story of “Tetsu x Rika”. It is unfinished and sad to say the mangaka herself listed it that way. I am really disappointed and I really wished for the mangaka to continue it but that’s impossible now. The readers such as me would be left with nothing but imagining any possible ending of this beautifully crafted story. I have always adored Modoru Motoni-sensei’s so much more when I had read TetsuXRika. I always had a change of mind everytime I tried to read Rika the Breeder because of TetsuXRika. That manga left me in awe, of sadistic joy and at the same time sorrow of why things had to end that way.

                The story is left unfinished but it was a good read. People might despise Rika but he has his reasons and I don’t hate him for what he has become. However you look at it, Rika’s main goal is to destroy the system—for the “salon” that robbed him of his days of tranquillity to cease to exist and Hotarou is the proof of that. As what Hiro made Rika to confess, Rika hates to have sex. I think he only loved sex when it was with Tetsu but because Tetsu was haunted by his mother’s rape and death, he wasn’t able to understand Rika’s feelings. But maybe, if after Hiro hears from Anji what really happened to his brother, then he might or might not protect Rika as how Rika wanted it to be.

I want to know what will happen next and how will things between Hiro and Rika end! I want Rika to destroy that system that took his and Tetsu's heart apart and completely destroy their lives. I want Rika have his peace of mind again this time with Hiro in place of Tetsu. Rika only loved Tetsu and wanted him to look at Rika not as someone desired by everyone or like Tetsu's mother but as Rika because he is Rika. 

                Now I’m wondering, had Rika let Tetsu diminish his title as the “President” because he couldn’t have him or was it because of the torture he experienced under Tetsu? I believe that he only wanted Tetsu to quit and go out of that school because he was starting to break. And since Hiro isn’t a dumb kid, I think he will understand the situation. He himself knew the nature of his brother and what his brother can possibly do. Either way, it was the psychological trauma that they are suffering that lead them to what they have become.

                After everything what I can only say is that it was beautiful. The twistedness of the story, the intense feelings of hatred, vengeance, love and suffering. Both prequel and sequel are worthy of praise and worth reading.

Summary from mangaupdates:

Shiiku Gakari Rika-New boy Natsume Hiro comes to a boarding school unlike any other school in existence to solve/resolve something that happened in his past- but even that fact takes a while to emerge.
The school is a hotbed of bullying and rape kept slightly in check by a feudal organization called the Salon. The Salon protects its members from random abuse by specifying who can/must rape whom (yeah, there are must rapes here) under what circumstances, and punishing those who rape/abuse without proper permission. All this to be decided at the whim of the Salon head.
Sex at the school is both an overwhelming obsession, as befits an all-male society where there are no other outlets for stress, and a matter of down-and-dirty power politics, not unlike an American jail.
When you throw in the Byzantine institution of the Salon, you have a scenario reminiscent of the surrealistic, closed, hothouse world of British boys' schools. But the Rika world is even more bizarre than that.

Genre: Adult, Drama, mystery, psychological, school life, tragedy, yaoi

Let Dai by Woon Soo-yeon -- a review

It’s been a while since I’ve written a review for a manga that I’ve read. This time, it’s for a manhwa entitled “Let Dai” by Woon Soo-yeon. Manhwas really amaze me for the deepness of their stories and how they tell beautiful and sorrowful tales that could drive you into it. It was like you are a bystander witnessing the events of the lives of people and you just couldn’t help but get drawn to every phrases and scenes in it. This manhwa is really something that caught my feelings and thoughts into a whirlpool of emotions and I just love how the manhwaka created the story of these people involve. Especially the two persons who imprisoned my heart with their love so pure and true. I love how they fought with each of their own weakness and beliefs to set things right but at the same time trying to protect the love they have for each other. The events in their lives might have been very painful and confusing as well as tricky and injustice into their eyes but they strived hard to protect what they want to treasure and cherish. As the manga continues and I was reading it, I couldn’t help but feel sad and sorrowful for the life lost and for the pain they felt. These youngsters are just like us in our teens, trying to figure out life and love but at the same time finding out how cruel the world can be.

Dai is someone who was trying to live his life according to his own understanding and judgement, that’s when he meet Jaehee who swept him away. The meeting wasn’t something that special but it was the beginning for them. The start of an endless trials and overwhelming emotions, the start of their love for each other. The story left a very deep impression on me especially how the author put such deep and meaningful words. I avoided reading this manga for quite a long time since it was labelled as tragedy and oh boy how tragic could this manhwa be? For me, the tragedies happened deep in the characters hearts as they strive to continue life with the will to grasp what they want the most—and for Jaehee and Dai, it was to stay together forever. The words uttered by the characters are so moving that I couldn’t help but feel every words spoken.

 

The art is very good that it gives every scene real beauty and emotions. I have always adored manhwa style arts and this one is one of them. Just like the rest of the mangas I made a review, “Let Dai” is a struggle for both these young males to view love as something that isn’t defined by gender. I just love how they showed each other how they love one another simply because they love each other and that’s it. They wanted to be together despite all the obstacle ahead of them—because they feel love. And for them that is the most important thing. I couldn’t stop but wish for a love the same as this, yet I feel like I wouldn’t be able to endure the hardship the same as them.

The friendship borne are real despite the distasteful events that happened. This manhwa teaches readers a lot of things such as the importance of life, the sorrow of those who are left behind, the struggle of those who wished to be heard, the pain of those who longed for happiness, and that love will always find a way. For quite some time, I have given up on the word “love” but now I am able to believe in it again. Not just because I know I’ve already matured a little, but because of the stories that I get to read just like this manhwa.

In the end, without giving up, they will always find a way of achieving happiness in life. The road might not be that easy but they will get through as long as they believe. The ending of the story shows hope—hope to oneself and for others, and of course, that Jaehee will find happiness together with Dai wherever he is.

Summary from NetComics:

Set in a soulless neo-Seoul ruled by young punks and pleasure seekers, an amoral teenager named Dai is the living embodiment of the city's beauty and cruelty.

As the leader of the vicious Furies gang, Dai seduces everyone who lays eyes on him, only to blind them to his own barbaric nature. When an honest schoolboy named Jaehee rescues a beautiful girl from being mugged by the Furies, he can't possibly realize how this brief encounter will plunge him into a downward spiral of unbridled passion and unfathomable pain.

From his brutal gang initiation to an unspeakable act committed against his girlfriend, Jaehee wavers uncomfortably between revulsion and fascination. And in Dai he finds a tender, caring friend one moment and a heartless sociopath the next, awakening strange and unhealthy desires in Jaehee that he could never before have imagined.

Genre: Drama, Mature, Psychological, School Life, Shoujo, Shounen-Ai, Slice of Life, Tragedy  

Shisei no Otoko

By Aniya Yuiji

There are many forms of love and a lot of ways to show it. We often have to choose which is which, to do your duty or to escape from reality. In this manga, Shisei no otoko, the story of love was portrayed in different form. A love that chose to save it by doing the rightful duty and a love that was cornered and was left with no choice but to run away. It pains to know love that doesn't always have a happy conclusion. There are a lot of trials that would go right through it and ruin the fragile thing into pieces. Shisei no otoko by Aniya Yuiji-sensei depicted the inevitable tragedies that hinders the love between people who were so trapped into the reality of their role. A cop and a yakuza, a master and a faithful dog, living in a world with full of unwanted veracity.

Upon reading this manga, at first you wouldn't notice how deep the story is. With its beautiful, artistic strokes distinct in its own style, you would have thought that all is well. But then as the story progresses, and you get halfway confused and halfway amused, the revelation would sink in painfully in your mind. I felt very sorry for all four of them. One was left to dream of happy expectations and lovely feelings while the other one has to live with a heavy burden upon him. It was really a very beautifully sad love for the four of them but the feeling it brought down my throat to my chest was like peaceful melancholy. It didn’t made me cry but the the heartfelt emotion was there. i really like the story and even though I had hoped for a happy ending, love isn’t just as easy as that.  

Summary:

From Nakama:

Three men bearing tattoos are Peony Katagi, Buttercup Mutou, and Mad Shark Nogami. They are all involved in some way with mystery man Kubota. Is there salvation for these men who live on the underside of society?

In the final part of the tattoo series, "Everyone's Song," forty-two pages drawn specifically for the occasion, all the stories come to a conclusion.

Two extra stories are included in this collection. In ‘Spring Love’, the object of a man's one-sided love turns into a vengeful spirit every night and visits him. "Dream's Guidance" has also been added to this special collection.

Genre(s) : Drama, Mature, Supernatural, Tragedy, Yaoi

New York New York manga

Okay, let me just say this first. This contains some spoiler so be warned and if you don’t want to be spoiled, just read the first paragraph. The plot of the story was really good, it showed the point of view of the society of how Taboo homosexuality was during the early days, as well as the characters involved and their inner private point of view of themselves. In this manga, “New York New York” by Marimo Nagawa-sensei, Kain was a closet gay and was afraid of being discovered because of circumstances like bigotry, which we couldn’t deny that is still present at this modern period. His struggles and indecisiveness was shown descriptively and the changes afterwards after meeting Mel took a great part in reforming his beliefs and feelings towards himself. I believe that his strong emotions led him to weigh which was more important to him and made him the person he became. Sensei made a very nice elaboration expressing the step by step actions the character made in reaching the person who could proudly say and admit his sexuality. The art was good and I was really satisfied with it because I believe that it fit perfectly to the setting and the characters. I strongly recommend that you read it guys.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written something about the mangas that I’m reading. There’s been a lot that happened and I’ve been very busy but anyway. At first I didn’t thought I would come to write something about the manga I’ve just finished reading. The title is “New York New York”. When I had put it into my bookmarks or let’s say when I found it and saw that it was labeled as tragedy I got the feeling that I didn’t want to read it for a while so it took me a little more time to have the courage to read it. I’m really easily drawn to angst but even though it’s like that, I still avoid reading them sometimes but I always ended up reading them anyway. While reading NYNY, I thought “ah—I have to prepare myself. I need not to attach myself to the character too much because this manga has a tragic end”. But then while reading it, I just couldn’t stop myself feeling affection towards the characters. The feelings they have for each other and the strong desire and hope during the trials they were passing through was really great that I always thought that it was such a waste for it to have a tragic end. I had already braced myself for the tragic end but then as I continued to read the story and got out of that particular dangerous and scary scene, I thought, “Maybe it was labeled as tragedy because there were a lot of killings”. I was really happy that there weren’t something like Kain dying or Mel dying in that traumatic events. When I was reaching the end, the story took turn and it made me happy of the development of it. They were very happy despite the traumatic past that had happened. But what really moved me was the great love they had for each other; that despite what they had been through, they were able to stay together and be truthful to each other. I love the character of Kain, strong and willful. I love Mel’s gentleness and the way he looked the future with a smile and was able to cope up with everything. Really, but what moved me to tears was the end of the story where, at their old age, they were still as lovely as the newlyweds they were, loving and tender to each other, that despite one leaving, one was able to accept and continue life. I love it so much. Especially the last scene where they were both reunited, I couldn’t control my emotions I cried so much because I was sad yet happy at the same time. Now I’m really happy that I read New York New York. It was an amazing experience and it has been a long time since the last time I cried over a manga (a few days ago, I cried over a novel tho it wasn’t as bad as this time). So anybody out there, I’d recommend your read New York New York as well and witness such an amazing story about homosexuality, murder, acceptance, hope and specially, a love so strong it could  conquer even as dangerous as life and death. 

summary from mangatraders:

Kain Walker is an admired and appreciated policeman of New York of all his colleagues. By fright at disappointing his fellows and also being discovered, Kain hides that he is gay and refrains from any coherent relation... until the day when his way crosses that of Mel Frederics, a calm and soft young man at the dark past. A meeting which is going to confuse their life.

Genre: Action, Drama, Psychological, Slice of Life, Tragedy, Yaoi

“Heartache”

“Heartache”

Pairing: Aomine X Kise

Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke

                “He’s an upperclassman from my school. He’s pretty famous. He’s cool and handsome. His sun-kissed skin and dark blue hair burns an image into my eyes. I would clamp my arms around him and touch his broad back as he makes love to me. Kissing, sleeping, and having sex every time he feels like it. I love it all. Yes, I love him to the point where it’s difficult to breathe. But I always wonder… does he feel the same?”

Author’s note: guys this is my first time making a fanfic so sorry if it’s not that good. Please enjoy!

                “Aominecchi? Aomicche? Are you here? I just got back from the club practice. I—“

                “Tskk.. Shut up! I’m sleeping.” Aomine grumbled as he pulled the blanket over his body but for some reason, it felt heavy. He then realized that there was a naked body of a woman silently sleeping beside him. He looked up to Kise and saw his hurt face. But as usual, Kise didn’t say a word.

                Kise felt a stab on his chest. That wasn’t an unusual scene ever since they started dating. Aomine would still play around with women despite having him as a lover. He averted his gaze and spoke in a low voice. “I—I’ll just go to my apartment then. I brought you food, I’ll leave it in the refrigerator.” He bit his lips. Aomine only stared at him as if he didn’t care.

                “Do whatever you want.” He replied and then got back to sleep. Kise suppressed his emotions. He didn’t want to cry or say a word of protest. It’s fine. It’s not like this is the first time he has done this. He thought to himself as he went to the kitchen and then, wordlessly left Aomine’s place. Yet despite how much he bit his lips to control his tears from falling, it voluntarily left Kise’s beautiful eyes as pain crept up all over him.

                “Aominecchi—Aominecchi—“ Under the cold snow falling, he drowned his sorrow. His heart ached so much yet he didn’t have the courage to break it off with Aomine. “I don’t want—I don’t want to.” He muttered hopelessly to the chilly wind.

               

                It was love at first sight. Funny others might say, but for Kise, he believed that they were fated for each other. When he transferred to his current school, he immediately became popular to the girls. He got along with them pretty well and since he was attractively handsome and easy-going, people would gather around him. Just like in his previous school, nothing changed. But then he saw the most popular guy in school. He was a tall guy with a vibrant tan. At that moment, Kise didn’t know why but he felt something that he had never felt before. His heart pounded like crazy and his mind went chaotic. He couldn’t think straight. The only thing clear was that he wanted to get closer to that young man—Aomine Daiki.

                “Kise-kun..Hey, who are you looking at?” the girl asked with a seductive voice as she clung to Kise’s arm.

                “Ah sorry, I just thought that guy’s really attractive.” He replied referring to Aomine as he stare at him again talking with one of the school’s most popular girls.

                “oh! Aomeni-kun? Yeah..He’s really attractive and cool. It’s no wonder the popular girls here in school would aim for him. But for me, Kise-kun’s much better than him.”

                “Why would you say so?” Feeling curios, he asked.

                “Well, maybe you still haven’t heard this since you’re new here but you see, Aomine-kun is infamous for being a player. But even though he’s like that, girls would still swarm to him like ants.” The girl pouted, and then smiled at him enticingly. However, Kise’s attention was again back to the man himself. Aomine was happily talking to a sexy girl. It was obvious that they were flirting with each other. Then a moment later, the girl circled her arms around Aomine’s neck and they kissed shamelessly without even minding the people around. In jealousy, the girl with Kise started to talk bad about the scene but her voice was drowned over Kise’s thoughts.

                “I want to be the one kissing you like that.”Kise finally made a decision.

                Aomine languidly opened his locker and found a small paper in it.

                “Please see me after school. I’ll wait at the back of the gym.” It says. He became curious.

                “What is it Aomine? Another love confession?” his classmate jokingly asked. “Make sure not to make another woman cry!”

                “haha! Idiot, it’s their choice if they cry or not. After all, they wanted it.” He calmly replied with a playful smile. Aomine’s affairs were never a secret. If he’d get a new girl, the news about it would spread like a wild fire. . It was like everybody’s business whoever he goes out with.  And as if nothing matters to him, he’d left it as it was. Even the break ups and the girls who’ve cried over him.

                “Then I’ll be off and make another woman my own.” They both laughed.

                When he arrived at the said meeting place, Aomine was surprised to see a guy waiting for him instead of a girl. He got confused and with an angry tone he said. “What’s this? Are you making fun of me?”

                “I—I’m the one who wrote the note.” He was stammering.

                “So? Now you’re telling me you wanted to confess to me?” A glint of irritation appeared on his face.

                The guy’s face turned red. He was shorter than Aomine so he was looking down on him. Aomine could see the trembling of the body in front of him.

                “I—I really like you Aomine-san. Since the first time I saw you, I’ve been looking at you. I know you feel gross being confessed to by a guy like me but—but if you’re fine with it…Will you go out with me?”

                Silence.

                As Aomine weighed his thoughts, he couldn’t avoid his eyes from the person in front of him. He knew this guy. He remembered when the school started there was a transfer student who got the attention of the students. It was because of his handsome face and fun personality. It’s unexpected to be confessed by a guy but for this guy to be the one confessing is a bit more unexpected than that.

                “What’s your name?”

                “Kise—Kise Ryouta.”

                “Well then Kise, since I don’t currently have a girlfriend…I’ll go out with you. But of course, we’ll keep this relationship a secret. I’m not gay you know.”

                “Of—of course Aomine-san! Thank you! I’m so happy!” Kise happily said and smiled. It was a very sweet smile that Aomine blushed when he saw it.

                Tch—that was uncalled for. Well, it’s not bad to try a relationship with this guy I guess. I’ll just break it off when I don’t feel like it anymore.

                “Aomine-san..”

                “What?”

                “Can I call you Aominecchi?”

                “Tskk..Why’s that? Well whatever! Do what you want.”

                Their days of being lovers went on smoothly. Everybody was surprised to see Kise and Aomine together, but then later on they got used to it. It was like a feast for their eyes seeing two popular and handsome guys together. Nobody suspected that there was something more than friendship going on between them. Every day was a happy day for Kise.

                “Kise-kun, lately you’ve been hanging around Aomine-kun and it seems that the infamous player seems to be keeping lay low right now. I wonder why?” A classmate asked. Kise looked at her and wondered what she wanted to know.

                “Eh? Well, I wonder why as well.” Kise answered evasively. Ever since Kise started going out with Aomine, there were a lot of girls wanting to get near him. It was because they wanted to get Aomine’s attention. Kise knew that very well.

                “But you’re always together. You must know something right?” the girl came nearer to him. She was purposely making Kise see her cleavage. Kise felt his stomach churn.

                “Seriously, I don’t know. Ask him yourself.” Kise then started to walk away. Girls really are scary. They make me want to puke. Tsk—as if I’d let them near him. But then a realization hit him. Aomine wasn’t gay. And he himself wasn’t one as well in the first place. Falling for Aomine was Kise’s first time with a guy. There was always a possibility that Aomine would choose a girl over him. Even though they’ve already been dating for a month, they still haven’t done anything special. They hang together just like usual friends would do.

                “Come to think of it, we’ve never even kissed even though it’s already been a month.  We’ve only walked together to the bus stop and have lunch together and do normal stuffs.”

                “Hey kise!”

                Kise was absentmindedly talking to himself that he didn’t hear Aomine calling him.

                “Should I make the first move? But he might think I’m gross or something.”

                “Hey Kise! What are you muttering by yourself out here? And what’s with the worried face?” Aomine probed. He came to pick Kise so they could leave the school together.

                Ahh! I don’t care anymore!”Aominecchi, do you want to come over?” I mean, I feel like cooking so let’s eat together tonight.” Kise smiled.

                “Well, I’m free tonight so I guess its fine.”

                “Aominecchi” Kise crawled on top of him while he was seating on the sofa in Kise’s apartment.

                “Hey Kise! What are you doing?” Aomine reflexively pushed Kise.

                “I—I want to kiss you”

                “What? What are you saying all of a sudden??”

                “We’re lovers right? So it’s fine right?” Kise lowered his eyes. He seemed to be embarrassed of what he just said. But at that moment, he was afraid that Aomine might hate him for acting recklessly.

                “Come on Kise, won’t it gross you out? I mean, we’re both guys and—“he stopped what he was saying when he saw Kise’s upset face. He was almost about to cry. For a person like Kise who’d always smile, it was the very first time Aomine saw that expression. There was something seductive in that reaction. He grabbed his wrist and then pulled him towards his body. Circling his arms around Kise’s body, he kissed him hungrily. Kise was taken aback—it was an unexpected kiss from Aomine and now he found himself responding to it. The kiss became deeper, persistent and hot. Kise had no answer for these sensations. Aomine didn’t know why he was kissing Kise that way. But one thing was sure for the both of them. They wanted more.

                After the passionate kiss they’ve shared, both headed towards Kise’s room and stumbled naked on top of the king-sized bed. Their lips felt like it didn’t want to part from each other. It was strange for Aomine. Having sex with a woman was common for him but for some reason, even though the body he was holding at the moment felt hard against his palms, he couldn’t stop himself. His palm gently crawled from Kise’s chest down to his abdomen.

                “Aominecchi” he called out as his body shivered.

                “Shhh…”

                Aomine clasped his hand around Kise’s twitching member and started to pleasure him. He was erotically turned on just by watching Kise’s face contorted with pleasure. Their heated breathes blended together as one.

                “Ao—Aominecchi..Lube..” Embarrassed, Kise’s face went red. It’s good that I prepared it beforehand. He thought.

                “Where?”

                “There inside the drawer of the bed side table.”

                Aomine quickly took the lube and put it on his fingers. He slowly pushed one inside Kise and massaged it. “How’s this? Does it hurt? It should work out the same as with women right?”

                “uhnn—I don’t know. This is my first time. Hurts—hurts a little.” Kise’s brow glistened with sweat. He moaned as he grasped the bed sheets. He couldn’t believe that he was doing it with Aomine—making love with his beloved person. He was happy, so happy that he didn’t care how much it would hurt him.  

                “I think its fine now. I’m going in.”

                He braced himself for the coming pain he would feel yet despite how much he prepared his self, the pain was too much. “Uhggg—ahhh—uhnnn”. Eyes closed, his throat stifled a moan as Aomine’s member sank inside him like fangs. He was burning with pain and pleasure.

                Aomine’s hardness felt hot and tight inside him and then as he thrust against Kise’s vitals, his body shivered as unfamiliar feelings took hold of his body. It was so tight yet as Kise compressed on him, the pleasure enveloped his whole mind, and it felt like nothing he had experienced before.

                “Ahh—fuck—Kise, you’re so tight.”

                “Ahhnn—ahhh—aahh—hhnnnn..Aominecchi—I—I love you” droplets of tears fell from Kise’s eyes as his face reddened. Aomine continued to move on top of him. Much harder and faster. The bliss was too much to bear. He licked his lips. This is sex with a man. Sex with Kise. He hazily thought.

                “Ahhh—ahhh—ahhhnn—hah!! In truth, Kise was hurting really bad. It was his first time yet Aomine couldn’t control his desires and was moving like a wild beat inside him. But despite the raging pain he felt, the view of Aomine’s pleasured face was enough for him to endure everything.

                His body arched as unknown paroxysm of fervor escalated his body. Little by little, something was feeling different. His moans became more erotic and he couldn’t control the scorching heat creeping all over him. “Nnngghh!” Aomine bit his ear and in a hoarse voice, whispered. “You’re so good!”

                Nothing felt more blissful than hearing Aomine praised him for the first time. He had always longed for his affection and ever since they started dating, that was the first time they were lover-like. I’m so happy. Kise thought to himself. As their bodies continued to move with the rhythm of pleasure, intoxicating passion held them captive. The sensuality of their connected bodies was almost reaching its climax. “Ahhhh!” Aomine groaned. His body shivered and in the hitch of his euphoric state, white radiant liquid made its way out of his member. Soon after, Kise came as well, trickling it all over his white abdomen.

                Neither of them made a sound for a moment. Only ragged breathing echoed all over the whole room. And then, as if he had just woken up from a trance, Aomine quickly got up and headed towards the bathroom.

               

                After the first time came the second and then the third until Kise couldn’t count anymore how many times Aomine held him. It was always wild and rough. Aomine seemed to like it that way. Kise never complained. Was it because he liked it that way as well? No. if Kise could, he wanted Aomine to make love with him in a gentler way sometimes. But he never did. Though he never hated rough sex with Aomine, he occasionally would imagine what tender sex with Aomine would be like. The truth is that the only time when he could feel that Aomine’s completely his was during sex. He would even do it with him every day if Aomine just wished for it.

                There was a rumor circulating around the entire school. People talked about how Aomine had already gotten someone and was keeping it a secret from everybody. This started because he has been without women lately. Almost two months to be exact. Everybody, as usual was curious as to the reason why. For the infamous player to stop screwing with girls for that length of time, it felt like a lie to them. In Kise’s heart though, since most of the time they were together, it was happiness. However that happiness came crumbling down short after when the rumor broadened, Aomine was seen flirting with someone outside the school grounds.  

                “So maybe that’s the reason then? He got tired of school girls so now he’s into older women?”

                “waaah! That might be it! And maybe all this time he’s with different women outside the school!”

                “eh?! That’s so disappointing. And here I thought I could get him to sleep with me soon enough too.”

                “Idiot! That’s impossible! Did you see those girls he just threw away after having them? They’re so pretty that it’s a waste!”

                “Hey that’s mean! I know they’re all way above my level but I’m pretty too you know!”

                “hahaha! Yeah yeah—let’s go and display our beauties then!”

               

                The girls left giggling. After hearing their conversation, Kise felt cold chills.  He had heard the rumor and nonchalantly shrugged it off since he was with Aomine and during those times, he wasn’t with any girls. But then hearing about him with a woman outside their school was total news to him. He never considered it happening. He was confident enough that he has completely secured his place beside Aomine. Since he never heard of him chasing girls’ skirts at school, he thought that Aomine became all his alone, that Aomine would not betray him and that he loved him.

                “Love?” his hands formed into a fist. “He loves me?” his body shook. “hah!hahaha!” he gasped. “He—he never even said—even once—he never said that he loved me.” Tears trickled down his eyes as he tried to control his muffling sobs with his shivering hand. It was even hard to stand up straight. The pain in his heart as the realization hit him hard was unfathomable. Like being drowned into a dark body of water that he couldn’t breathe, the heartache was too much to bear.

                “hey—are you alright?” one of his concerned classmate asked.

                “Im—I’m alright.” He managed to answer. Then without a second thought, he ran as fast as he could as he went off to that place.

                “huff—huff—huff—“ Kise desperately rang the doorbell. He had a key but in the midst of confusion and anxiousness, he seemed to have forgotten about it completely. Aomine had given him a key to his apartment and for quite a while now, Kise could freely go in and out of that place as much as he liked. It was one of the reasons why his confidence was high.

                “What the fuck—“ Aomine’s irritated voice followed after the door opened with a bang. When he saw that it was Kise, he was a bit surprised. But then his face switched into an angry expression and with a harsh voice he chased him away.

                “What the fuck are you doing here? I thought you’re at school?!”

                Startled, he cowered. He seemed to have gotten his senses back a little.

                “Go home!” Aomine continued. “I don’t have time for you today. I want to sleep.”

                “Then I’ll just wait for you to wake up. I’ll cook you dinner and—and there’s something I want to talk with you—but I’ll wait so just let me stay here until you wake up.”

                “What? Didn’t you hear what I just said? I said go away.”

                “Why are you being like this today? You won’t even let me enter your—wait, are you hiding something from me?”

                “Huh?”

                “You do have someone in there, don’t you? That’s why you won’t even let me in!” Kise asked desperately. He got a bad feeling about the situation. For Aomine to be chasing him away there should be a deeper reason why. And he must know about it. As mixed emotions flooded him, he couldn’t tell anymore what was exactly governing his self at the moment.

                He tried to forcibly enter the apartment but Aomine wouldn’t even budge. His suspicions were like being answered with the way Aomine’s resisting him. Just by then he noticed a red mark on his neck that the collar barely hid. He grabbed Aomine’s collar and in his great horror, the newly made kiss marks confirmed his doubts.

                “What the hell is the meaning of this?!” Kise unthinkably exclaimed. He couldn’t believe what he just saw. It felt like everything went crushing down on him. His grip tightened on Aomine’s collar. But what he saw on his lover’s face was nothing but unconstrained coldness.

                Aomine slapped his hand away. “None of your business.” He heartlessly said. There wasn’t even a bit of concern on Aomine’s face. Like he didn’t care what Kise would feel.

                Kise was stunned. What happened to the two months they were together? He wondered. As Kise fell in love with Aomine more and more, did Aomine even feel love towards him? Arguing with him was pointless. Seeing Aomine’s indifferent face as he pushed him and closed the door on his face was enough for him to conclude that his feelings didn’t reach him. He felt so pitiful. When was it? When did he fell so much in love that he couldn’t even dare to hate him? That despite of what happened; there was only pain and no hatred? When did he become so weak? Nothing could be done anymore. His heart had hopelessly and tenaciously gave in to his love for that man.

                Was it because I’m a man? I couldn’t satisfy him? He couldn’t come to love me because I don’t look sexy and fragile like a woman? Was it because I’m not good enough? What should I do? I don’t want to lose him. I love him too much—too much.”

                Dejectedly, he slowly walked away from that place. Every step felt so heavy. He knew that if he wouldn’t leave there, his suffering would just worsen and so, with his aching heart, Kise walked without minding the starting heavy rain.

                Nobody would think that behind Kise’s cheerful smiles hid a broken soul. As per his usual face, nothing changed. But deep inside him, he was suffering. Loneliness embraced him and his mind felt numb. Maintaining his happy façade had never been so hard. However, despite of what happened, he didn’t break it off with Aomine. And Aomine didn’t raise the idea as well. For the reason why, Kise didn’t know.

                They maintained their relationship the same as before. After the first incident, no complaint came from Kise. And Aomine continued to play around with women. Nevertheless, he still did it with Kise.  Soon after, the news of the great players’ comeback started spreading around the campus. Girls again started to flock around him and Kise could only watch in misery.

                But time would come for patience to finally run out. Limit existed on everything.

                “Stop it!” Kise pushed Aomine away. He was trying to pin Kise down on the bed. For the first time, Kise rejected his advances.

                “What?”

                “I don’t want it.” He calmly refused, turning his eyes away from him.

                “Now now…quit being sissy. I want it now.” He hotly kissed Kise’s neck and made his way under Kise’s clothes. But before he could completely open Kise’s pants, his hand was slapped away. Startled, Aomine stopped and angrily pulled back.

                “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Aomine irritatingly exclaimed. Kise didn’t respond. Again, Aomine tried to kiss his lips but much to his irritation, Kise covered his mouth. In Aomine’s annoyance, he unthinkably tore Kise’s shirt and grabbed his arms. He tied them on the bed’s headboard. Kise couldn’t move. With his wrist bonded together, resistance was futile.

                “What are you doing?! Untie me!”

                “Just shut up and let me do the work!”

                “I said I don’t want it! Get off me!” The grip of the cloth on his wrists felt hot on his skin. But he didn’t stop struggling.

                “Stop it! You’re hurting yourself!”

                “You’re the one hurting me!” Kise’s voice trembled. Head hung, he stopped moving. Then tears started to flow from his eyes. When Aomine saw this, he stiffened. He had never seen Kise cry before despite all the things he did. Even though he had already betrayed Kise countless of times, he would only show a pained expression. Never did Kise show such a fragile state. Not until now. The beautiful Kise, who would still smile for him, who would still love him and care for him after all the heartaches he caused, the one who never left him despite all the betrayals he did, was now in front of him crying like a pitiful baby. Glistening tears poured like waterfall. Soft whimpers escaped from his lips. Aomine froze for a moment. He couldn’t say anything. Then, Kise spoke.

                “Don’t kiss me with your lips that just kissed someone else’. Don’t hold me with your arms that just held a woman. Don’t touch me—don’t touch me anymore. I‘ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore Aominecchi. I’m so sorry. I can’t anymore—“

                Kise’s words felt heavy on Aomine’s ears. The words he just uttered echoed all over his mind. Shocked, he could only stare at the person who was helplessly crying in front of him. They had been together for almost a year. Kise had always been beside him, smiling. But now, Kise wished to break up with him.

                “All this time—“ Kise continued. “I loved you all this time. I thought I could endure anything as long as you don’t leave me. I thought we could always be happy together. I always forgave you even though you were playing around with different women because I know, in the end of the day, you would come back to me.” His words were drowning in his sobs. But Aomine could hear them completely.  “When you agreed to go out with me, I was so happy. In fact, I felt like the happiest person in the world. Every day with you was happiness. However, together with that feeling was heartache as well.”

                “hic—hic—hic” Kise’s cries felt like it would never end. He was trembling in despair. “Aominecchi, I’m in so much pain. That’s why, even though I love you so much—I have to leave you. If I don’t, it’ll be too late.” No, it’s already too late. “My heart can’t take it anymore.” I feel like a fool. “This relationship is over.” I can’t hold this love anymore. I’m totally broken.

                Aomine was speechless. He understood the seriousness in Kise’s words. Without second thought, he released Kise’s hands and then moved his body away from him. When Kise finally faced him, he couldn’t comprehend Aomine’s facial expression. What was I hoping for? He silently laughed at his self. There’s no way Aomine would stop me. The game is finally over and I lost. I’m the fool in this love game.

                Their heart never met. Their feelings were different. That was why the relationship never survived. It was hard to accept yet Kise realized that halfway. Trapped by the delusion called love, Kise was bound by the feelings he felt towards Aomine. Blinded by the hope for happiness, he endured everything. But never once did Aomine say the words he wanted to hear. The only confirmation that, within those months they were together, he existed in his beloved’s heart.

                But now, after all that was said and done, there was nothing to regret anymore. The fact that Aomine didn’t even say a word only proved the end of everything. As Kise straightened his disheveled clothes and lifelessly walked away, Aomine only stared blankly at his back until it disappeared from his sight.

                Kise had already left his place for quite some time. But Aomine remained standing and vacantly staring at nothingness. His mind refused to think of what just happened. For he knew, he was fully aware of the pain Kise felt. Nothing could be denied. It was entirely his fault.

                They reached that far because of Kise’s patience and love. Without it, they wouldn’t even have that kind of relationship from the start. Because of Kise’s feelings for him, he had the courage to confess and build such connection with Aomine. But he took him for granted. Made him suffer and pushed him to break off the relationship. Aomine, who had never felt such strong emotions, would never understand. Or so he thought. Because he had never considered falling in love with a person, he didn’t know what it really felt like. And he wouldn’t know what to do about it.

                As time passed by, sensations started creeping up Aomine’s insides.  He felt his body losing its life and he staggered. Feeling the shivering of his hands, he took it in front of him. Then he noticed the droplets of liquid falling from his eyes. It surprised him. Not long after, he finally understood everything. In resignation, he muttered.

                “I’m sorry Kise, for not loving you properly.”